Category Archives: Your Personal Development

Your Personal Development

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I Speak…

coachLast week, we touched upon a problem many public speakers have. That problem is not knowing how to breathe correctly. Now, we all know that we are born with the ability to breathe—but to breathe correctly when speaking in public is another thing altogether. I thought it might be a good idea to share a few tips with you about correct breathing—tips you can take with you and help turn your speaking engagements into huge successes. This week, we will discuss relaxing before your speaking engagement, so these are tips to help you breathe to relax. Let’s try them out!

Deep Breathing Means Relaxing

For those who do not regularly practice deep breathing, they may not know all the health benefits. Learning how to properly deep breathe, and letting that breath fill your lungs and travel through your whole body, can help you to relax and take on anything that may be going on in your life. This is at the heart of your well-being and healthy living, so it is crucial to learn how to deep breathe properly and practice it regularly.

Breathing for Better Health

Deep breathing and learning to embrace this practice is part of healthy living and well-being. Learning to embrace it, and develop and practice breathing patterns that work for you, is a huge part of living the best life possible.

Exhale Longer Than Your Inhale

You should be letting the exhale take twice as long as the inhale to get the most out of it. This will take some practice. Take the time to take each breath in but then take twice as long to let it out so that you can really feel it throughout your whole body.

What Stress?

Stress can be easily melted away if you learn how to make deep breathing a part of your life. As you feel the stress coming on and starting to settle within your body, take the time to step away and take a few good deep breaths to allow the stress to simply melt away in no time.

What Pain? Is Pain Distracting You?

There is a reason why women in labor practice breathing exercises — it really does help with the worst pain!   By practicing deep breathing exercises, you can block out the pain and focus instead on this therapeutic exercise for your well-being.

Stretch for Well-Being

Yoga is a great part of a healthy lifestyle, not just for the exercise that it brings, but for the stretching and breathing that it incorporates. When you are stretching and focusing on your breathing, you are working on your overall well-being, and this can work wonders for your physical and mental well-being.

Breath Yourself to Energy

As you take in deep breaths, you will feel rejuvenated, and this brings natural energy to your body. Learning to take breath in the appropriate way and holding it will pour energy onto every bone and muscle in your body, which will bring you the natural energy you are seeking.

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I Speak…

People make mistakes in presentations every single day of the week. It’s nothing new. But why do these mistakes happen? What constitutes poor public speaking? I’ve put together a list of reasons that may tell the story of why a speech may have gone wrong, or a presentation may have fallen on deaf ears… Let’s take a look at the list, shall we?

Poor Breathing Habits Mean Poor Speaking

Have you been trained as a singer or stage actor? If you haven’t, the chances are good that you’re unaware of the best method of breathing for speech. Public speaking requires a larger reservoir of air, for instance, than breathing for life. Equally important, your exhalation needs to be more controlled so you can sustain vocalized sound to the ends of phrases, where the most important words usually reside. Diaphragmatic breathing is the key. It’s also an important method of calming your galloping heart during fear of public speaking, and of course for keeping you from audibly gasping for air when you run out of breath due to nervousness—a huge no-no when making a public presentation.

Are You Self-Conscious?

This is probably the most frequently named reason people feel performance anxiety while speaking. It’s very common for a speech coach to hear: “I’m fine talking to small groups. But when it’s a large audience, I get really anxious.” Remember that the people in a sizable audience are exactly the same ones you talk to individually, and try to concentrate on having a conversation with your listeners. You’ll be at your best in every way.

Fear of Appearing Nervous

You may fear that you’ll look fearful on stage. With that in mind, you may make a leap of poor faith and tell yourself that once the audience notices your nervousness, everyone will realize you don’t really know your topic. Of course, the two aren’t linked at all. For instance, if you see that a speaker is nervous, what do you think? It’s probably sympathy—and with that sympathy, the audience will work with you.

Are They Judging Me?

The tough love message concerning this fear of public speaking is that people really don’t care about you. They’re in the audience to get something out of your appearance. They truly would like their time to have been well spent in coming to see you. You can also console yourself with the knowledge that watching a speaker fail is embarrassing for all who see it. With that in mind, you can be assured that the audience is actually rooting for you.

Failure in the Past Means Failure in the Present

Public speaking anxiety is often a side effect of learned behavior. You failed at some point in an important or high-profile speaking situation, and the seed of failure was planted. Of course, if you know your stuff and have done your research, there’s absolutely no reason something that happened once in the past will occur ever again. Not, that is, unless you tell yourself it will and subconsciously get ready for it. Plan to succeed instead. Always look for success, rather than failure.

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I Teach…

once uponThis blog article is about how you can get the most out your life coach. Seeing a Life Coach is like anything in life—the more you put it, the more you will get out. You can’t expect the Life Coach to do all of the work—so how do you turn your sessions into success? Let’s find out…

Keep Your Mind Open

There is no set way to get “there.” Allow your coach to take you to places that you have not considered before. Open yourself up to the possibility that your perspective can be shifted.  A good coach will prod you into places where you may not like to go, but with an open mind, work on trusting the process. The key to Life Coaching is keeping your mind open!

Preparation

Is there something specific going on that you really want to talk about? Is there an experience from the week that you want to share? Do you have questions about the process, or have questions come up for you during the week? Do you need a reminder about a tool that was discussed? The best thing you can do is put pen to paper at some point before the session and make some notes about things that are important to you. This is an excellent way to practice getting your needs met. If you can practice and get good at this with your coach, then you will be able to transfer that skill to other areas of your life.

Be Ready 

Before the session, take a minute to assess your needs. Did you eat this morning? Do you need to go to the bathroom? Does the dog need to go out? The more you can do to create a space for you to work uninterrupted, the more in the flow and in the moment you can be during your session. This is deep work that cannot fully happen when you have distractions around you.

Be Comfortable

Make a warm drink and sit in a comfy spot. You have booked this time to work on the most important thing in your life… YOU. Allow it to be your time by working towards making the most of this time by setting yourself to feel supported and comfortable in your own space.

Be Noteworthy

Get yourself a notebook with a place where you can put the date and make notes throughout the session.  Coaching sessions go by very quickly, and a lot of information comes up. Bring a notebook and pen and allow yourself to jot random words, phrases, and points. You will also be encouraged from time to time to write down specific things that are essential to your journey. Have a book where you can capture this all. This then becomes your resource for the time in between sessions.

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I Speak…

fear1Writing your speech is one thing—but performing it in front of others is another thing altogether. When you’ve written your speech, you may want to rehearse every inch of your performance. Just like acting, you need to think about a variety of things—the audience, your content, your emotions and the structure of your speech. This blog is all about preparation—let’s get to it!

Rehearse the Content

The first rehearsal is for the content. The first time, just try to get the words out. Don’t worry about what actors call ‘blocking’ — how you might move around. Just get the words out. Find out if anything needs to be changed or fixed. See how long it takes and how well the transitions work. Test it.

The Structure

Audiences today expect speakers to do more than simply read from a script or PowerPoint slide deck. They expect a more intimate conversation. As a result, it pays for the speaker to know the basic logical flow of the speech — not the exact words, but the main points, in order. Ideally, that’s what a speaker has in his or her head when he/she bounds up on stage and begins to chat with the audience. Get the logic of the speech down in a bulleted outline, and practice that. Rehearse just running through that outline, as if it were a very brief explanation. Then, embellish it by adding your supporting facts, your stories, and so on. Work your way up to the whole speech.

Rehearse Your Conversation

Work on finding out how you’re going to stand, to move, and where during the speech you need to do what. Don’t worry so much about getting the words perfect, but do feel the speech as a dynamic production of your body. Ideally, you’ll have someone tape you, so you can see how you’re doing.

Many people don’t think they need to walk through a speech physically — I’ll just run through the points in my head — but you do need to rehearse. I can always tell someone who hasn’t rehearsed, because sooner or later you’ll catch that deer-in-the-headlights look as the speaker thinks to himself, “I didn’t see that coming.”

Rehearse the Emotions

Emotion is captivating. We like to watch it on TV, which is why so many people watch reality TV shows even though they know they shouldn’t. We praise great actors and singers because they are practiced emoters. We even elect former actors to be president because they’re able to look authentic doing what they do best: playing a part. Don’t overlook the emotions of a presentation or speech.

Watch Yourself

Videotape yourself or use a tape recorder if you’ll be speaking on radio, in a webinar, or on a conference call. You literally need to experience yourself as others will. Watch, listen, and work on the rough spots. A painful activity? It can be. Is it helpful? Always!

Today’s digital recording equipment makes this aspect of rehearsing easier and more mobile than ever before. Make use of it!

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I Teach…

fear1As a life coach it is important to understand the motivating factors at your disposal. We all need a boost sometimes, and as a coach it’s a good idea for you to have a few tips in your pocket that you can use to give that boost to your clients. Try these out yourself and see what works for you—then pass the good feeling along…

Email and Social Media Can Wait…. Don’t Check It Straight Away

If you do, you are allowing other people’s lives and agendas to control your motivation. Most of the time, you’ll read about bad news, arguments, tragedies – you’ll start comparing yourself to others, and all of these things will not help you start your day focused and motivated.

Water – The Key to Life Itself

There are numerous studies that prove the benefits of this simple drink. It helps you increase your level of alertness, refuel your brain, fight sickness and jump-start your metabolism. Plenty of benefit for something so simple. Drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up.

Exercise, Exercise, Exercise

I know you probably don’t feel like it, but studies prove that even a little exercise in the morning transforms the way you feel. You will boost endorphins, your energy levels will go up, and you’ll be healthier and less stressed throughout the entire day.

Priorities, Goals and Your Life

Designing your life is extremely important in determining where you are going. As you start your day, your focus should be on accomplishing the most important things that get you closer to your overall life vision – every single morning.

Music Is the Food of Success

Music has incredible power to release motivating neurotransmitters in our brains. Seriously! The key is to find music that motivates you the most. So, what music gets you going?

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I Speak…

once uponOne of the greatest stresses of public speaking is nervousness. Now, we’ve talked about this before, and I would like to go through some really useful tips for getting over those last minute nerves. Picture this: You are standing backstage, waiting to go on and talk to 20,000 people about writing. Your stomach is churning; your head is pounding. You are scared. What do you do? Well, why don’t you try a few of these ideas…

Push, Push, Push That Door

Before you give your speech, find somewhere where you can be alone for just a few minutes and stand and face a door. Place both hands on the door at about shoulder height and push as hard as you can. After pushing, stand normally and try speaking out loud. See how much more relaxed your voice sounds. Do this before every performance, and you will see a difference.

Tongue-Along

Try sticking your tongue out as far as it will go and repeat a nursery rhyme. This will help open the back of your throat and help you sound more confident.  This should help you in your effort to be a better public speaker.

Breathe, and Breathe, and Breathe

Breathe in through your nose very slowly for a count of five. Then breathe out though your nose for a count of five. Repeat this three times, and you will have significantly lowered your heart rate, so when you start to speak you won’t sound like an express train. This is a beautiful way to help your speaking engagements begin smoothly.

And Squeeze…

Simply clench the muscles in your buttocks. Most clothes will completely mask your actions, and it will help you feel and appear more confident. Then smile. You are ready to give your speech!

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I Write…

once uponFormatting and uploading an e-book can be one of the most frustrating parts of publishing a book. It’s a completely different process to formatting a paperback or a hardcover, and it can be frustrating to see your perfect looking Word file turned into a jumbled mass of words when it’s uploaded and previewed. This blog article is all about formatting your e-book from your Word document. Just a few tips to help your frustration…

Fiverr Is Your Friend!

Yes, you can do it all yourself, but really, it’s much easier to let someone else do it. E-book formatting often costs around $100, but you can get it done for $15, or even less on Fiverr.

E-Books Are a Living Thing…

The most important thing is that the text works and is easy to read – so if you’re trying to do anything too complicated, let it go. Simple is usually the solution. Look at any mainstream published e-book – they rarely have special fonts or images and are super minimal.

You can’t set up everything exactly because readers need the ability to enlarge the text, change the font, and the e-book will look different on every device and previewing tool. Rather than add a lot of style, you need to remove as much style as possible and make everything very simple.

Start with Your Word file

The easiest way to make an e-book is to start by setting up your Word file the right way. Use automatic paragraph indents not tabs. Use the “heading1” style for all chapter titles, and check that a TOC is being made automatically. If you’ve done it right, you can use a simple online e-book conversion tool, or upload it straight to Kindle, or run it through Calibre, and everything should look just as you set it up in Word.

There Is No Page!

If you learn one thing about formatting an e-book it should be this: Inside an e-book, there is no page. This is the hardest thing for would-be e-book publishers to get their heads around, and I understand. It was hard for me too. Seriously.

Don’t Overdo the Fonts

Try to use the same font and font size throughout the book for both text and headings. Select a standard font face such as Times Roman or Verdana in 12-point size. Use italics in the text where appropriate, but no underlines. It makes everything else easier.

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I Teach…

coachFew people realize this, but you can actually be your OWN life coach. Seriously. You can absolutely coach yourself to success. If you have the time and the self-confidence to look within yourself to work out all the crinkles and issues that are holding you back, you may find this to be a very beneficial way of discovering if coaching is for you.

Dig Deep and Begin the Search…

One of the main things a life coach will help you do is find out what really drives you, and what you’re really looking to achieve. Too often, we find ourselves following the wrong path or chasing the wrong thing simply because we believe it’s what we want. The truth of the matter is that what we really want can be very different to what we think we want. Whether it’s down to external pressures or expectations, we can really find ourselves off our true track.
This can be a very enlightening search as you may find that all the goals you truly thought you were aiming for are wrong. You may find that decisions you made do not hold up when the cold light of day is shone on them. You have to dig deep to really find out your purpose—so give it a try!

Ask Yourself the Right Questions

While sitting quietly by yourself, ask yourself what you truly want to do. Forget about financial issues, problems with work, or issues with your partner, and ask yourself what you really want to do with yourself. Do you want to do jigsaws? Fight for a place in the Senate? Read books until the end of time? What do you want? When you can put your finger on what you truly want to do, you will find true satisfaction, and you will know where to put the majority of your efforts.

Examine Your Life Carefully

Some people want to get ahead in their careers, start a brand new business, lose that extra weight, become socially acceptable, or become more confident. You need to know what you are aiming for. To do this, it’s important to take a full examination to see where you currently stand.

Everything Is Listening…

Each area of your life is connected. It’s really important for you to take a good look at the overall picture and see how each part works. If you are having a poor home life, it will change the way you work. If you are under pressure to be a certain way, it will change your mood. To really become the powerhouse I know you can be—you have to have a good work-life balance. Too much negativity and you may overdose.

Be a Goal Breaker and a Trend Setter

Once you have an idea about what you want, you can see where you need to make improvements. Now, making an improvement isn’t an overnight thing, so don’t expect it to be. Also keep in mind that most people don’t change—so to make changes is to be a trend setter. Isn’t that wonderful?

At the start, you don’t have to know exactly how you’ll reach your goal, you just have to figure out how to make progress towards your goal. For example—if you want a driving lesson but haven’t even been in a car, you may want to take part in a car journey.

The Pen is Mightier… Always

Try to avoid using computer-based documents and spreadsheets for the goals you want to accomplish. Use a notepad or a diary that can be exclusively used for this process. There is far more power in the handwritten word than the typed word. You will find yourself taking goals more seriously if you write them down.

Express Yourself, Reward Yourself

Yes. We are making changes to our lives—but let’s not become overzealous. It’s important to enjoy life, and reward yourself. A life coach will provide you with encouragement when you’re able to achieve what you set out to achieve.

This positive reinforcement builds confidence and allows you to set your sights higher and higher. Don’t forget to actually pat yourself on the back. It feels good—seriously.

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I Speak…

coachOne of the biggest problems with writing a speech is knowing where to begin. There are many people out there who would happily write your speech for you—but for those public speakers who really want to hit their audience and hold their sway, there has to be a level of self-knowledge. You need to know how to open your speech—how will your audience react to what you have to say? How does your personality grab your audience? Are you patriotic? Are you revolutionary? What does the world think about you and what you have to say? Take a look at these speech openers, and see if you can see yourself starting with some of these…

Thank You Very Much

Some of the best speakers start by thanking the audience for coming and thanking the organization for inviting you to speak. Refer to the person who introduced you or to one or more of the senior people in the organization in the audience. This compliments them, makes the feel proud and happy about your presence, and connects you into the audience like an electrical plug in a socket. As someone once told me—manners are more important in business than degrees.

Think Positive, Start Positive, Be Positive

You can begin by telling the audience members how much they will like and enjoy what you have to say. Explain how positive you feel the audience is towards you, and that you are excited to get to know the people in front of you. Keep a level of positivity and people will engage with you.

Compliment the Audience

You can begin by complimenting the audience members sincerely and with great respect. Smile as if you are really glad to see them, as if they are all old friends of yours that you have not seen for quite a while. How about telling them that it is a great honor for you to be here, that they are some of the most important people in this business or industry, and that you are looking forward to sharing some key ideas with them.

The Audacity of Hope

Remember, the ultimate purpose of speaking is to inspire people to do things that they would not have done in the absence of your comments. Everything you say should relate to the actions you want people to take and the reasons that they should take those actions.

Question Time…

You can open by making a positive statement and then asking a question requiring a show of hands. How about starting with one crucial question that everyone in the room will have an answer to: “Who here wants to be a billionaire?”

Refer to a Recent Conversation

Some of the greatest public speakers start by telling a story. Some of the most effective stories are recent conversations. “I was talking to Bill the other day—we were discussing this event, and he told me that the people in Louisiana are some of the best people you could ever hope to meet. I have been here for a few hours, my first visit to the great state of Louisiana, and I have to say that Bill was completely correct. This is the best event in the country, bar none.” See? Complimenting, telling a story and engaging will have them listening from the get-go.

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I Teach…

once uponBeing a life coach takes more than just learning from a book. There are skills you will need that you already have, yet you may not even know that you have them. Coaching is a little bit like having a good conversation with a friend. A great coach can have a natural rapport with anyone simply by taking advantage of a few of the skills they already have. Let’s look at those skills…

Be Curious About What Your Client Has to Say

When we speak about listening with curiosity, we’re talking about showing genuine interest in what others are saying to you. All too often we listen without really showing interest. We are impatient and truly show a lack of attentiveness, which in turn hampers constructive conversation. We are too focused on our own agenda. Be genuinely curious. Don’t do all the talking, and keep interruptions to a minimum.  Pace the conversation, and don’t be afraid to keep it focused and on target. Be involved and your client will be involved, too.

Take It All In

Sometimes you can project all the necessary nonverbal cues to give the other person a sense that you’re listening with curiosity, but you could still be failing to take in any information. While projecting a sense of curiosity, don’t forget to absorb and register what is actually being said. You need to hear the words, read the gestures, and take in the thoughts, ideas, and emotions of the other party. To take in what you hear, you need to pace the conversation and put yourself in the shoes of the other party. If you aren’t listening—you aren’t coaching.

Reflection Is Key

Reflecting back with accuracy shows the person you’re really listening and confirms that you have digested the right information. It also allows the person to hear back what he or she has said and to check within him or herself: Is it exactly what he or she meant to say? Try to take notes, and refer back to them often. Don’t be afraid to ask your client to delve deeper into what they’ve said. Try to get to the root of their issues.

Ask Questions…

Asking questions extends the conversation and allows for a more productive dialogue. Ask open-ended questions that allow more exploration to take place. By asking open ended questions, you give your protégés an opportunity to find answers within themselves. When someone actually discovers the answers for themselves, it empowers them. When you question for exploration, you reinforce in their minds that you believe in them, and that their opinions, knowledge, and experience are worthwhile. You build their confidence. A true coach will always look to build the confidence of their client.

Don’t Be Afraid to Give Back

Feedback is often thought of as being inherently critical, but that need not be the case. Successful coaches are careful and discriminating about how they employ feedback, knowing that poor or incomplete feedback could stifle their protégés or even cause feelings of inadequacy in them. The successful coach avoids the common mistake of using feedback as a vehicle for asserting expertise. Unclear, arrogant, or dismissive feedback can drive your protégés into defensiveness and destroy the trust so critical to your relationship. When providing feedback, coaches should strive to make it clear, make it relevant, make it helpful, and make it positive. Try to always end on a positive note.

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